A Failed Quest

 How Shield Maidens became my "White Whale"

gods I love the art in this game

    Shield Maidens is one of the first non-D&D, or 5E total-conversion mods, games that really caught my attention when I started playing TTRPGs a couple years ago. I mean, how could you not fall in love with this pitch:

A game of cosmic action in a high-tech Viking age!

Shield Maidens is a game of women standing shoulder to shoulder with their sisters against the forces allied against all humanity.

And the art is just SO GOOD. I really love the whole presentation of this game, and I've only been able to view the PDFs. I'm excited to one day add the full collection of hardback books to my shelf.

    I promised myself, and others, that this would be the first game I learned to play outside of D&D 5E and that I would run it for my local and online friends. I'm pretty sure the last thing I said about this game to anyone was "I WILL run Shield Maidens before I start reading another game." I wanted to write a review of the game on this blog, because I've seen so little discourse about the game and I can't find any real reviews online. Even the game's forum on Mongoose's website is pitifully lacking in posts.

I've failed to do any of the things I said I would do

    So that's what this post is about, the failure and where I think things went wrong. The internet is full of people talking about the things they've done well, and I wanted to share some lessons learned from my mistakes as I see them. I haven't talked with anyone about this yet, because I know everyone will be very supportive and this is far from an uncommon experience. I'm sure my RPG friends can tell me about so many examples where they did the same thing, and we all know the feeling of that exciting new hobby we start and then put down two weeks later (or immediately after we spend money on the first required materials). I want to write this out as a way to analyze it myself, and maybe others will see some wisdom reflected from their own view.

    I subtitled this with "white whale" because I fully intend to return to Shield Maidens and do all the things I said I would do, but for now I've accepted that isn't going to happen any time soon. Since I came to this realization, I've felt a real sense of relief, with only a few pangs of guilt at the failure. Part of that guilt is centered in the mission of the game as a feminist piece of art, which is easily one of the things I love about it most and a big motivating factor in wanting to read the game. I feel bad for stepping back from this material and giving it a platform (even one as small as mine), but I don't want to do it a disservice by plowing ahead when my heart isn't in it. I know I'll be able to do all those things better, later.

Why this is not a review or play report

    I think where I really went wrong was trying to start this project before I was really ready. I started reading the material for the game when I was nearing the end of one D&D campaign, in the early stages of another, and then when the first campaign ended another one got started. This was too much for me to try balancing with learning a new game, and my pace in reading Shield Maidens was severely hampered. This situation didn't really change for quite a while, which created a real challenge for me in retaining and understanding the material of a totally new game system with a unique setting full of rich lore. Every time I got around to reading more Shield Maidens and making notes for my planned review, it felt like starting from scratch; I did eventually read the entire player and gamemaster's books, but none of it felt cohesive for me. 

    This resulted in never feeling confident with trying to run the game, and deciding I should probably wait to pick up the published adventures to at least give myself the support of seeing how the game's designers thought it should be presented for play. But I never did that either. I could excuse this as a budget consideration, but when I had the chance I decided to buy a different RPG product I'm actually excited about right now.

    Throughout this time, I was also taking a more serious approach to how I think of criticism and product reviews. I've always enjoyed reading or watching reviews and critical analysis, and the idea of actually trying to contribute to the space of critical writing in the TTRPG industry gave me the motivation to try understanding the artform as more than just a casual observer. Ayan Artan's post on how to be a critic (sorry, it's on the bad website) was a real kick in the ass, and I want to step up my game before taking on a subject and game I respect as much as Shield Maidens. I'm currently reading this book and looking for more material to learn the craft of critical writing, so please pass along anything you might know.

    That's really the whole gist of this post. I fumbled my chance by trying to take on more than I could manage at once, and then my priorities shifted. I want to come to this game with a sense of joy and enthusiasm, not from a place of obligation or doggedness. My feelings about Shield Maidens haven't changed, but right now I'm focused on learning Pathfinder 2E and really excited to be starting up a campaign soon with my wife and friends. I'll come back to this project with fresh eyes when I'm able to give it the attention it deserves.

What was the point of this post

    Like I said before, I just wanted to share this experience and maybe spark some conversation. If you know of anyone out there who's covered Shield Maidens, then please pass it my way. 

so fucking cool